It's been far too long. Hey you, whoever reads this, next time I go that long without posting, get a hold of me and figure out what's up, because I've been duuuuumb as a rock.

I know I usually post more bible study type material, but this will be more of a personal journey blog.

I've been subject to temptation and deception. I let the lies of the enemy fill my head far more than the Truth that should be all that I listen to. Suuucks. I slipped back into my old pornographic habits and addictions, but tonight is the night that I break that.

"Tonight, I made this promise to never let lust take over my life."
-For Today, "Redemption"

Tonight, I'm speaking against the spirit of addiction, and I am breaking its hold on my heart. As for the spirit of deception? No more! I let the enemy fill my heart and my head with lies that I was the liar. No more. I will walk in Truth! Glory. I'm so stoked tonight. I'll be okay with it if I don't sleep. God will provide my rest, amen? Amen. Yes. Who needs an awake body when you have a refreshed soul?

I owe For Today a lot. Those guys are such blessings. Mattie and Mike specifically. I mean, they're all real legit, but I read Mattie's blog the most, and I talk to Mike the most, so they've played the biggest roles. For days I was just coasting by. About a week ago, I guess, I told my friend Jordin pretty much everything the enemy had been telling me, believing it to be truth, and just hating my life, and I was in a crappy place. I was lukewarm. I was fulfilling my addiction regularly, and I wasn't doing anything to get better, and I was making it all the easier for the enemy to lie to me. So here I am, believing all kinds of crap that I wasn't good enough, and I wasn't doing it right, hiding from the people who want to help me because of who knows why, and my life SUCKED. I was miserable, just like I had been the weeks previous while the enemy was laying his foundation (looking back everything's so obvious, duh).

HEY JORDIN I'M REALLY SORRY FOR IGNORING YOU. I feel awful. I'll talk to you soon about everything, promise.

But then I noticed a band had a status on myspace that said: "Just because we like to start arguments... is God real? And if He is, is He good or evil?" And it was one of those metal bands that attracts a largely secular crowd (almost all responses were that God doesn't exist, and if He did he would be evil), and halfhearted Christians who don't really care (I saw one response that said "God is real, and He's good. Pussy's good too.") So, out of habit, I guess, put that God certainly is real, and He is surely good, and if someone wanted to talk to me about it civilly without hurling insults they could message me. So then this kid messages me with all these beliefs that just struck me as off the wall and crazy, but we proceed to have this 3 day discussion through myspace messages about the existence of Christ and the truth of the bible and everything, and I'd appreciate if you'd pray for this kid, but I don't know his name. Anyway, the Lord started working inside of me. Temptation would arise, and I'd be like, "I can't do go look at porn, I just talked about Jesus!" So something was changing. I didn't really notice though. I stayed idle. I stayed lukewarm.

Until tonight! Something lead me to Mattie's myspace, and I was just reading through his about me and I listened to the little sermon he had on there, and I felt the Lord stirring. It was time for me to change, and I knew it. So I excused myself from my online friends a bit early and started praying and got into my bible and here I am. Good story, right? Yeah, I thought so.

ANYWAY. This is what inspired me to actually write a blog about all of this.

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
But with humility comes wisdom."
Proverbs 11:2.

For a few minutes before I actually opened up my bible, I just prayed that the Lord would guide me to where I needed to be in His word, and help me to read what I needed to read, and that I would have wisdom and insight, and I would open my eyes to see and my ears to hear what he was speaking to me tonight, and this was the second verse I read. And boy, did it hit me.

Ever since my whole roommate moving out situation (which worked out that I got to stay in the apartment! Praise report! :D), I've been debating if it would have been smarter to just move back home for 6 months or so, save up money, and try again this summer or something, but I couldn't swallow my pride and admit that I failed, that I wasn't man enough to handle the responsibilities and whatnot, and then when I read this verse it hit me. I was being too proud. I was wrong. I had failed, and that, by myself, I'm really not man enough. So that was where I stopped. After two verses, I felt the stirring of the Lord in my heart and started to meditate on it. I asked Him, "so was I wrong? Do I go back? I mean, I really really don't want to, this is where I want to be, but if You really want me in Waterloo, I can do it." And while I was praying about it, He gave me a vision of a golden eagle circling over the twin cities, and the eagle landed in the cities and started a nest. I've been praying on it, and it's legit. So I know where I'm meant to start a family. But I finally did swallow my pride and admit that I can't do it alone. And that was what I got out of it.

So please, pray for me, that I can keep this up. If you guys have prayer requests, get a hold of me on here or myspace or facebook and I'll pray with you and for you and whatever you need. I love you guys. Be blessed.