It's been far too long. Hey you, whoever reads this, next time I go that long without posting, get a hold of me and figure out what's up, because I've been duuuuumb as a rock.

I know I usually post more bible study type material, but this will be more of a personal journey blog.

I've been subject to temptation and deception. I let the lies of the enemy fill my head far more than the Truth that should be all that I listen to. Suuucks. I slipped back into my old pornographic habits and addictions, but tonight is the night that I break that.

"Tonight, I made this promise to never let lust take over my life."
-For Today, "Redemption"

Tonight, I'm speaking against the spirit of addiction, and I am breaking its hold on my heart. As for the spirit of deception? No more! I let the enemy fill my heart and my head with lies that I was the liar. No more. I will walk in Truth! Glory. I'm so stoked tonight. I'll be okay with it if I don't sleep. God will provide my rest, amen? Amen. Yes. Who needs an awake body when you have a refreshed soul?

I owe For Today a lot. Those guys are such blessings. Mattie and Mike specifically. I mean, they're all real legit, but I read Mattie's blog the most, and I talk to Mike the most, so they've played the biggest roles. For days I was just coasting by. About a week ago, I guess, I told my friend Jordin pretty much everything the enemy had been telling me, believing it to be truth, and just hating my life, and I was in a crappy place. I was lukewarm. I was fulfilling my addiction regularly, and I wasn't doing anything to get better, and I was making it all the easier for the enemy to lie to me. So here I am, believing all kinds of crap that I wasn't good enough, and I wasn't doing it right, hiding from the people who want to help me because of who knows why, and my life SUCKED. I was miserable, just like I had been the weeks previous while the enemy was laying his foundation (looking back everything's so obvious, duh).

HEY JORDIN I'M REALLY SORRY FOR IGNORING YOU. I feel awful. I'll talk to you soon about everything, promise.

But then I noticed a band had a status on myspace that said: "Just because we like to start arguments... is God real? And if He is, is He good or evil?" And it was one of those metal bands that attracts a largely secular crowd (almost all responses were that God doesn't exist, and if He did he would be evil), and halfhearted Christians who don't really care (I saw one response that said "God is real, and He's good. Pussy's good too.") So, out of habit, I guess, put that God certainly is real, and He is surely good, and if someone wanted to talk to me about it civilly without hurling insults they could message me. So then this kid messages me with all these beliefs that just struck me as off the wall and crazy, but we proceed to have this 3 day discussion through myspace messages about the existence of Christ and the truth of the bible and everything, and I'd appreciate if you'd pray for this kid, but I don't know his name. Anyway, the Lord started working inside of me. Temptation would arise, and I'd be like, "I can't do go look at porn, I just talked about Jesus!" So something was changing. I didn't really notice though. I stayed idle. I stayed lukewarm.

Until tonight! Something lead me to Mattie's myspace, and I was just reading through his about me and I listened to the little sermon he had on there, and I felt the Lord stirring. It was time for me to change, and I knew it. So I excused myself from my online friends a bit early and started praying and got into my bible and here I am. Good story, right? Yeah, I thought so.

ANYWAY. This is what inspired me to actually write a blog about all of this.

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
But with humility comes wisdom."
Proverbs 11:2.

For a few minutes before I actually opened up my bible, I just prayed that the Lord would guide me to where I needed to be in His word, and help me to read what I needed to read, and that I would have wisdom and insight, and I would open my eyes to see and my ears to hear what he was speaking to me tonight, and this was the second verse I read. And boy, did it hit me.

Ever since my whole roommate moving out situation (which worked out that I got to stay in the apartment! Praise report! :D), I've been debating if it would have been smarter to just move back home for 6 months or so, save up money, and try again this summer or something, but I couldn't swallow my pride and admit that I failed, that I wasn't man enough to handle the responsibilities and whatnot, and then when I read this verse it hit me. I was being too proud. I was wrong. I had failed, and that, by myself, I'm really not man enough. So that was where I stopped. After two verses, I felt the stirring of the Lord in my heart and started to meditate on it. I asked Him, "so was I wrong? Do I go back? I mean, I really really don't want to, this is where I want to be, but if You really want me in Waterloo, I can do it." And while I was praying about it, He gave me a vision of a golden eagle circling over the twin cities, and the eagle landed in the cities and started a nest. I've been praying on it, and it's legit. So I know where I'm meant to start a family. But I finally did swallow my pride and admit that I can't do it alone. And that was what I got out of it.

So please, pray for me, that I can keep this up. If you guys have prayer requests, get a hold of me on here or myspace or facebook and I'll pray with you and for you and whatever you need. I love you guys. Be blessed.

So I got a formspring, where anyone can go on and leave you a little message with a question that you can answer or whatever, and my first question was:

"what's ur opinion on gays, if ur so into Jesus."

My answer is probably going to be a decent blog length, so I decided to just post a blog about it and link them to this.

I want to preface my answer by saying a couple different things:
1) From when I was young until very recently, my mom chose a homosexual lifestyle.
2) I am more comfortable with my sexuality than almost any other guy I know, and am completely not homophobic.
3) Yes, I probably would be weirded out if a guy were to hit on me, but most of the time I'm weirded out when girls hit on me, too.

So the, "stop using God as a cover up for your disgust, you pig!" retaliation can't really apply. I am not disgusted by homosexuality.

So, let's do this I guess.

For starters, the Mosaic Law says:


"If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

-Leviticus 20:13


That is the majority of Christians' first verse to say that homosexuality is wrong, but almost always is met with something along the lines of, "The Mosaic Law also says not to eat shellfish, or wear clothing woven of two fabrics, and it permits selling your daughter into slavery, etc." As I said in one of my other posts, to those whom are alive in Jesus Christ, the Mosaic Law is dead. But non-believers are still held accountable by the law. That sounds really crappy, but it's true. It's to show those who don't believe that they can't do it on their own, they need Christ. But that's all in a different blog. My point here is that if a Christian were to point out that part of the Mosaic Law to a non-believer, they can't retaliate with saying, "Well you don't follow all the laws!" Yes, I understand that if you don't share those beliefs, it doesn't really matter. But that's the Truth.

Moving on.


"¹⁸The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, ¹⁹since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. ²⁰For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

²¹For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. ²²Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools ²³and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

²⁴Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. ²⁵They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

²⁶Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. ²⁷In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion."

Romans 1:18-27

And there it is. God doesn't like homosexuality. Do I like that fact? Of course not. It means that, by my own beliefs, some people I am very close to, who have played a huge part in my life, won't be spending eternity with me. It's heartbreaking, of course I don't like it. But it's not my choice what is and isn't okay.

And here's an age old question: is it a choice? A very close friend of mine, who is a lesbian, believes very firmly it is not. It's just how you are. But we are all slaves to sin before we accept Jesus Christ. That's just how we are, we can't help it. But I firmly believe that through Jesus Christ, if you want to change, He'll help you.

So there it is. I believe that living a homosexual lifestyle is an indication of the absence of Jesus Christ in your life, and Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven. Therefore, homosexuality leads to spiritual death. Do I like it? Of course not. I don't like that even a single person might not experience the joys of the Kingdom of Heaven, especially some of the people very close to me.

Anonymous formspringer, I hope that answered your question.

I feel like I left a lot unexplained but I'm tired. If there's anything you want me to expand on, or anything you can add on, leave a comment and I'll post a new blog about it later.