I'm ecstatic, and my thoughts are uncontrollably sporadic, but they're all centered around one center: Joy. In plush, ripe tones, joy is rushing through my bones.

Bradley Hathaway - "On Being Joyful And Content."

Beloved, our God is exceedingly good. Infinitely better than anything we deserve. Exponentially more powerful and also more kind than we could ever imagine.

My day today consisted almost entirely of fantastic fellowship. From waking up to Trent and Laurin and they're awesomeness, to church with them at Glad Tidings, to the Open Bible parking lot picnic, to getting baptized again, to sitting at McDonalds for 3 hours, to sitting on a trampoline for almost 2 hours with 3 of my very best friends. And I can honestly say that in all of those things it was us and Him. And that's my favorite.

I forgot where I was going with this blog. I guess I just wanted to encourage you and remind you that our God is good, and faithful.

Update on my last blog: I can't say that I'm at 100% yet, but I'm in pursuit. And so is He. And I've noticed that as I truly seek God's face more, I think my dad is starting to understand that. Something Damien Rice spoke about kind of comes to mind, saying that when our prayer lives become a more focused part of our life, you'll see that the rent gets paid, the kids start acting better, you'll have food on your table, life in general just starts to improve. And I don't mean to say that life seeking God's face is just happy go lucky all the time and we don't have anything to worry about. It's kind of a twofold explanation. 1) As we seek God's heart and pursue a relationship with our Creator, He can guide us more easily to where He wants us, and if you follow your calling, He will provide for you. And 2) I believe that as we really press in and grow closer to God, He helps provide so we don't have to worry about how we're going to make it, so we can focus on Him. I feel like I worded that poorly, but I'm about to crash. So I guess if you need it cleared up let me know and I'll do it when I'm awake.

But I'm gonna wrap this up. Good night, beloved!

If Christ died to erase my sin, and if He rose from the dead to give me victory of it,

then why am I still holding on to it?

I feel like I'm at an impasse, beloved. I know a lot ABOUT Jesus, I'm totally in love with who Jesus is, but I don't know Him personally. I'm not totally sold out in love with Him.

I can spend all day teaching people and witnessing about freedom and the loving God I yearn to serve, but I can't seem to truly empty myself of myself in order to be filled with Him. And I know the answer, but I can't seem to follow through.

"Then He said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be My follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow Me."

-Luke 9:23 (NLT)

I need to cast off the pieces of who I am that hold me back. I believe this is what Christ meant when He said to cut out your eye if it causes you to sin. "Take up your cross daily." I'm trying to grasp that, that every day we must die to who we were.

It was prophesied the night before I moved back to Iowa that:
1) This would be the most painful season of my life, because God would be burning away from the outside, in to remove everything that's going to hold me back, so that I could burn from the inside out and ignite the world, and

2) That the day is coming when I must choose to please either my heavenly Father or my earthly father.

Wow. I believe God revealed to me as I was typing that that in order for the first one to be fulfilled, the second needs to be resolved first.

“If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple."

Luke 14:26 (NLT)

So now is the time that I make my choice. I choose the Almighty. But how to begin this journey is beyond me. I feel like I should start with finding somewhere else to stay, being here and having to answer to my dad can't be helping matters.

Pray for me. Please. The sooner I can start this process the better.