If Christ died to erase my sin, and if He rose from the dead to give me victory of it,

then why am I still holding on to it?

I feel like I'm at an impasse, beloved. I know a lot ABOUT Jesus, I'm totally in love with who Jesus is, but I don't know Him personally. I'm not totally sold out in love with Him.

I can spend all day teaching people and witnessing about freedom and the loving God I yearn to serve, but I can't seem to truly empty myself of myself in order to be filled with Him. And I know the answer, but I can't seem to follow through.

"Then He said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be My follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow Me."

-Luke 9:23 (NLT)

I need to cast off the pieces of who I am that hold me back. I believe this is what Christ meant when He said to cut out your eye if it causes you to sin. "Take up your cross daily." I'm trying to grasp that, that every day we must die to who we were.

It was prophesied the night before I moved back to Iowa that:
1) This would be the most painful season of my life, because God would be burning away from the outside, in to remove everything that's going to hold me back, so that I could burn from the inside out and ignite the world, and

2) That the day is coming when I must choose to please either my heavenly Father or my earthly father.

Wow. I believe God revealed to me as I was typing that that in order for the first one to be fulfilled, the second needs to be resolved first.

“If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple."

Luke 14:26 (NLT)

So now is the time that I make my choice. I choose the Almighty. But how to begin this journey is beyond me. I feel like I should start with finding somewhere else to stay, being here and having to answer to my dad can't be helping matters.

Pray for me. Please. The sooner I can start this process the better.